


Wordless

by AudreyV



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bad Sex, Coercion, Communication, Communication Failure, Complicated Relationships, Consent Issues, Dubious Consent, Erin does too, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Feelings, Follow up, Healing, Holtzmann has many feelings, Hopeful Ending, Kink Meme, Lack of Communication, Lesbian Sex, Multi, Oral Sex, Regret, Sexual Fantasy, Threesome - F/F/M, ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-13 13:26:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7978324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudreyV/pseuds/AudreyV
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erin wants to watch.  Kevin is willing.  Holtzmann shouldn't have talked herself into it.  </p><p> (Warnings and prompt in the beginning notes.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Holtzmann

**Author's Note:**

> From the Ghostbusters Kink Meme:  
>  _erin/kevin/holtzmann, dub-con-ish_  
>  _erin's fucking holtzmann. she's also fucking kevin. not usually at the same time, but sometimes it shakes out that way._
> 
> _she wants to watch kevin make holtzmann cum. fingers, tongue, cock, toys, whatever. kevin's all for it. holtzmann is not enthusiastic._
> 
> **Update:** after some very insightful feedback, I extended what was going to be an angsty one-shot into an angsty 5 chapter fic, each chapter from a different character's perspective. The original fic/first chapter is particularly graphic and unsettling for many, so proceed with care.
> 
> Original notes for chapter one:  
> I really struggled with this one, particularly the dub-con-ish part, since dub-con isn't the clearest concept to begin with. I'm also in this weird place where there are parts of this I really like and other parts that make me really uncomfortable and sometimes they're the same parts. 
> 
> Ultimately I decided to post it because I think we've all done something we didn't really want to do, to please someone else. Little things, big things, it all comes from a relatable, human need for love and approval.  
> 

“I want you to do something for me,” Erin whispered into her ear. Her fingers twisted themselves in blonde curls and Holtzmann moaned. 

“Anything,” she mumbled. Her hips strained, trying to get closer to Erin, needing more friction, just more. She'd almost come three times but each time Erin eased her back from the brink, leaving her desperate and panting. 

“I want to watch Kevin fuck you.”

Time stopped. She blinked a few times, wondering what Erin actually said, because there's no way that those were the words that came out of her mouth. She glanced over to the kitchenette where Kevin, still naked from his earlier romp with Erin, was pouring himself an iced tea. It was so ridiculously casual that Holtzmann almost laughed. Erin looked at her expectantly. 

“You know that's not my thing, babe,” she managed to say and Erin’s face fell a little but she nodded and said it was okay. 

Holtzmann’s mind was out of the game, so completely that she faked an orgasm so they could be done. She was still wide awake and staring at the ceiling long after the other two fell asleep.

—

The next time, they’d all been drinking, celebrating a great bust. Abby and Patty excused themselves early, probably went home to their apartments to get laid by a cute guy (Patty) or to curl up with a good book and a bowl of soup (Abby.)

Holtzmann felt fingertips on her neck but she could see both of Erin’s hands. She gave Kevin a questioning look. He didn't get subtlety so she had to ask. 

“What's up, Kev? Why are you…” she gestured to his hand. 

“No reason I know of. Just sort of felt like it. Your skin looked soft.”

“Oh.” 

Erin didn't ask that time, but Holtzmann saw her watching the way she and Kevin interacted. Gathering data. 

So far she hadn't minded sharing Erin. The times they'd all ended up in bed together has been fine. It wasn't a triangle; it was two people who were into Erin Gilbert but not into each other. 

The next day Holtzmann remembered the way Kevin touched her neck and wondered if maybe she was the only one whose interest didn't run both ways. 

—

“I have an idea,” Erin whispered to her. Holtzmann was curled up with her head on the physicist’s chest, watching Kevin go down on her. She could hear Erin’s heartbeat and feel how her body shifted and shuddered in response to his movements.

“What's your idea?”

“I know you don't want to fuck Kevin, but maybe….” Erin’s breath caught and her back arched. Holtzmann could feel her abdomen starting to tense under her cheek.

“Maybe?” Holtzmann prompted. 

“Maybe he could use his hands or his mouth to get you off.”

“You are very into this idea of me and Kevin.” Holtzmann forced her voice to be gentle, open. “Where’s that coming from?”

“I like watching. And I think you're the two hottest people I've ever seen. You're like a “reasons why I'm bisexual” meme. And I know you're absolutely fucking beautiful when you come and I want to be able to just watch you.” Erin wound her fingers through Kevin’s hair. “It wouldn’t have to mean anything.”

“No. It doesn’t always.” Holtzmann agreed quietly. 

“Plus you don't have to want to romance him to enjoy his unique skill set, you know?”

Holtzmann didn't, but she nodded like she did and changed the subject. 

—

She told herself it was an experiment, that she was doing it for science, but she was actually doing it for Erin Gilbert. 

Most of Holtzmann’s upper body rested in Erin’s lap while Kevin used his tongue to explore her. It was a flick here and there, nothing too bold. It wasn't bad, not exactly, but when Holtzmann thought about looking down and seeing Erin’s head between her legs instead, it made her shiver in a way that actually being touched by Kevin didn’t. 

“That's it,” Erin murmured. She'd misinterpreted the shiver. She had no way of knowing Holtzmann was picturing her on her knees and it wasn't what Kevin was doing that was making her wet. But Holtzmann wanted what Erin wanted, and Erin so desperately wanted her to have an orgasm with Kevin. So she would figure out a way to want that too or, at the very least, to make it happen.

Erin’s hand skimmed down Holtzmann’s shoulder. Her fingertips traced a collarbone (broken so many times over the years that Holtzmann had lost count) before making their way to pluck at a rosy nipple. 

That helped. This could work, with the proper mental state and that kind of assistance from Erin. 

Holtzmann closed her eyes and pictured the first time she felt the redhead’s mouth winding its way down her body. 

They'd been out celebrating, and it was the two of them heading back to the firehouse. The door had barely closed behind them when Erin came at Holtzmann, all roaming hands and soft lips. 

Holtzmann knew she should have stopped it, knew Erin was already fucking Kevin and maybe even dating him, knew this woman would probably rip her heart out. She almost did stop it, but the redhead cupped her through her ripped jeans and murmured “How wet are you right now?” 

Holtzmann bit her lip and knew she’d let Erin do whatever she wanted with her. 

Letting Erin be in control was as much of a turn on as those perfect lips closing around one of her nipples, teeth nipping at the side of her breast, tongue flicking and circling and massaging. By the time Erin pushed her back on their battered thrift-store couch, Holtzmann was indeed very, very wet. 

Holtzmann’s back arched as she remembered the way Erin shoved her thighs apart. The reserved scientist had been consumed by this erratic, passionate, hungry beast. It was so fucking sexy that Holtzmann thought she'd come in moments, but Erin drew it out. She brought Holtzmann to the edge over and over, just to yank her back again. Holtzmann had never known how spectacular not getting what she wanted could be. 

The scrape of Kevin’s stubble on her inner thighs made her uncomfortable, but she named the feeling and let it go. Her body felt flushed and hummed with adrenaline. Erin leaned down and kissed her just as Kevin changed tactics. He focused on her clit, sucking gently, and Holtzmann moaned into Erin’s mouth. 

“Fuck,” Erin mumbled. “That's so…” but then she gave up on speaking and focused on kissing, her tongue flicking out to run along the blonde’s lower lip. 

Kissing Erin. Kissing Erin was like saving New York City: something Holtzmann experienced but couldn’t describe. Of course there were words, and she could string some of them together, but the linguistic formula necessary to truly communicate the experience eluded her. 

Words rushed through Holtzmann’s mind, all so inadequate, so she shook her head and focused on what she could understand: machines. She pictured the first of many inventions she'd tested out on her fellow scientist. Erin had been skeptical of the strap-on that changed shape and vibrated, but she agreed to try it once Holtz assured her it wasn't nuclear. 

Holtzmann had been with her fair share of nervous lovers. So when she approached Erin, who was on her back, naked but tense on the bed, the blonde engineer knew exactly what to do. 

She started off by completely ignoring the contraption she wore. She laid next to Erin and kissed her, toyed with her until the redhead’s breath was coming fast and shallow. She guided Erin’s hand over, sliding it up her own thigh until it met the harness. 

“Less intimidating now, right?” She said as Erin explored the landscape of the device. “And it's not actually that different than sleeping with guys. I mean, that's what people have told me.”

“You've never?” There was a surprised look in Erin’s eyes when Holtzmann shook her head. 

“I made out with a few guys in, like, middle school. Then I discovered women and never went back.” She peppered kisses along Erin’s jawline back to her ear. “So. Favorite position?”

That's how she'd ended up flat on her back, totally enraptured, watching as Erin straddled her hips. Erin bent down and kissed her as she moved the dildo into position and slowly sank down onto it. 

Kevin nipped at her inner thigh when Holtzmann moaned, remembering the way Erin bit her lip as her body stretched around the phallus. She opened her eyes and Erin was staring down at her, mouth slightly agape, pupils dilated. 

“You're totally getting off on this,” Holtzmann noted. She half-sat up and gestured for Erin to move to sit beside her. “Kneel here so I can touch you.”

The crotch of Erin’s cute little floral underwear was completely soaked. Holtzmann stroked her through the fabric and Erin keened. At the same moment Kevin’s fingers pressed into Holtzmann and she inhaled sharply. 

“All good?” Kevin asked, completely still as he waited for her response. Erin looked down at Holtzmann, who took a deep breath and nodded. 

“Yeah. Everything's okay,” she said. Holtzmann felt his tongue lapping at her, a light repetitive motion that she knew was in Erin’s repertoire too. She wondered which one had taught it to the other; the thought of Erin giving sharp instructions while Kevin licked and sucked at her was more of a turn on than she would have expected.

Holtzmann dragged Erin’s panties down to mid-thigh. “No, leave them there,” she instructed when Erin started to take them off. “I like seeing you look undone like that.” Her fingers slipped between Erin’s thighs, and when she pulled them away they glistened. 

“You're distracting me,” Erin mumbled. She grabbed Holtzmann's wrist and sucked two of her fingers into her mouth. 

“Hhrmmmph.” Holtzmann made a sound that was part whine, part moan, part stutter. Her hips bucked up and Kevin rested his arm across them, holding her in place as he continued his ministrations. 

She told herself it wasn’t bad. It was just strange, wanting to come, feeling her cunt ache and knowing that it was a man’s tongue on her clit. She liked Kevin, as a person and an amusement around the office, but if Erin hadn’t asked, she wouldn’t have ended up with his fingers inside her. Her mind was full of the redheaded physicist, but in the simplest, most straightforward definition of reality, Kevin was the one who was getting her off. 

“This is the hottest thing I've ever seen,” Erin said. “I love watching you get eaten out. I can see on your face how close you're getting,” she said, and she was right. It was strange but she was right. 

Holtzmann fucked her fingers up into Erin in a mirror of what Kevin was doing to her, and Erin cried out and spread her legs as far as they could go, stretching out the panties between her thighs. 

Holtzmann’s eyes closed and she remembered Erin straddling her, Holtzmann’s mechanical, definitely-not-nuclear cock buried in her to the hilt. She tried to reconstruct the look on the physicist’s face when she hit the control button and the vibrations started. In her mind she saw Erin hungrily kissing her, then squeezing and twisting at her own nipples as she writhed on Holtzmann’s cock, desperate to come. 

With that image in her mind, Holtzmann thought she could manage an orgasm. She wasn’t going to think too hard about this, not now and not later either. The moment was ephemeral. 

Holtzmann thought vaguely of the threesomes she’d had in college, with straight girls eager to please their boyfriends, willing to get fucked by her even though they weren’t really into women. She’d kissed them, fucked them with her fingers, slid her tongue through their folds, made them beg to come while their boyfriends watched. She wondered if those girls were thinking of someone else when they clenched around her fingers, when they bucked and thrashed against her mouth, their fingers buried in her hair. A wave of unease went through her as she imagined them looking forward to when she’d leave and they’d be able to fuck the man they actually wanted.

It wasn't a productive train of thought, so she forced it out of her mind. She focused on Erin. The physicist was kneeling beside her and breathing raggedly; the flush on her cheeks reminded Holtzmann of the fight they'd had several weeks before. 

They rarely argued and when they did, it was always about work. (Holtzmann put no pressure on Erin to define their relationship, so what would they argue about?) 

Holtzmann had gotten cocky during a bust and got knocked off her feet. No broken bones, and they’d snagged the ghost, so she didn’t think much of it. Back at the firehouse, she was gingerly pressing the hematoma on her cheek when Erin came into the bathroom, mad as hell. 

“Do you know what it feels like to watch you hit the floor like that? When you didn’t get up, I thought I’d just watched you fucking die, Jillian.”

“I’m not dead and scolding me isn’t going to change what happened,” Holtzmann replied with a vague shrug. “Gilbert.”

After several more volleys of angry words, the inventor found herself with her bruised face against the tile, Erin pressed against her back. Heat radiated from the redhead, and Holtzmann squirmed against her.

After that it was a blur, like it was anytime Holtzmann gave herself up to Erin completely, but there were enough details she could think of to get her back on track as Erin murmured encouragement and Kevin hooked his fingers inside her. The cold tile on her face. The ache in her cheek and Erin’s fingers inside her. Coming hard, body shuddering against Erin, who hissed something about teaching her a lesson in her ear and kept going. 

“God, Holtz, you're so beautiful. You're so fucking gorgeous like this, I fucking—” Erin stopped herself. Holtzmann didn’t really believe her, and wondered what was supposed to come next. 

Her mind flooded with the image of herself against the wall, weeping after she’d come for a third time, Erin’s fingers inside her but mercifully still. She could almost feel Erin’s mouth against her ear and a flood of words, about being scared that she’ll die and scared that she’ll leave and scared that she won't, and the words “I need you” and “I want you” and maybe even something else that might have been real but was probably wishful thinking. 

Holtzmann let herself hear the words in her mind anyway, and when the peak started to hit her all she could do was grab desperately for Erin. She pulled the woman down to her and kissed her for a moment, then she cried out as the feeling thundered through her. 

It was different but it was also the same. Holtzmann’s blood rushed through her ears and her head thrashed against the pillow. She clutched at Erin and buried her face in the crook of her neck, holding her tightly as a wave of regret crashed over her. 

Afterward, Kevin busied himself with fixing a snack in the kitchen. Erin sat down and tugged Holtzmann into her lap. The blonde could feel Erin’s bare chest pressed against her back. Erin was so full of praise for her, whispered it in her ear as she petted her clit with one careful, slick finger. 

“I loved watching you come, almost as much as I love making you come,” the physicist murmured. She pressed harder, and Holtzmann was overwhelmed, not for the first time that evening. 

Erin gave Holtzmann her second orgasm of the night, although the pleasure rushing through her body didn’t erase the memory of what came before. It merely staved off the ache in the pit of her stomach until she was the only one awake. She left Erin curled up next to a snoring Kevin in Erin’s raft-like white bed and wandered to the living room. 

Like kissing Erin or busting a legion of ghost-ass in Times Square, the feeling in her gut refused to be broken down into words. She’d talk to Patty about it in the morning. Patty was good at words and could translate Holtzmann’s halting, imprecise speech, manic hand gestures and essence into something that made sense. 

Holtzmann knew she should try to sleep, but it wasn’t going to happen. She thought for a moment and decided it was probably Thursday, which meant it was Patty’s overnight shift. (If it turned out to be Friday, which was a possibility, she had plenty of prototypes to tinker with to get her through until her warm, intuitive co-worker arrived the next morning.) 

Holtzmann glanced back into the bedroom, then quickly dressed, grabbed her battered messenger bag and slipped out of the apartment, silent as a ghost.


	2. Patty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtzmann wants to figure things out. Patty helps her understand how to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the comments on the first part of this (which was intended to be the only part), particularly Jen's, made me realize that within the "things sometimes suck" genre there can also exist "but they get better." Maybe not "great" or "happy," but "better." (Jen is also responsible for Patty's "what the actual fuck" line.) So you get two more parts. This one is Patty. The next one hasn't been written yet but I am 95% sure it will be from Erin's perspective.

“You gonna say anything or are you just gonna stand there watching me sleep?” Patty’s voice was heavy with sleep and she hadn’t yet opened her eyes, but she’d heard the distinctive shuffle-glide of Holtzmann’s footsteps come up the stairs and stop at the door to her room. 

“I’m sorry.”

No joke, no innuendo. Just Holtzmann’s low voice echoing flatly. This couldn’t be good. Patty sat up in bed and patted the space next to her. 

“C’mere baby. Tell Patty all about it.” 

\---

“What the ACTUAL fuck did you think you were doing?”

“I thought it would be fine,” Holtzmann explained quietly. She tucked herself further into Patty’s arms.

“Holtzy, you are the smartest person I know. But this? This was felony stupid.” Patty sighed. She was hesitant to ask too many questions, because she knew “Holtzmann” and “talking about feelings” didn’t go too well together. Nonetheless, she forged ahead. “So why did you agree to do it?”

Holtzmann shrugged. “I dunno. Seemed like— it wasn’t that… I mean, I can do anything for 15 minutes—“

“Except sit in one place, quietly.” Patty was relieved to see Holtzmann’s signature grin. 

“Except that. Cruel and unusual!” She bit her lip and her eyes roamed the room as she continued. “Erin asked. And I thought… it wouldn’t be a big deal. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal— probably I’m the one who’s making it a big deal and I should just stop—“

“Holtzy. It’s a big deal. And it’s okay that it’s a big deal.” Patty started to gently pull bobby pins out of Holtzmann’s complicated up-do, using the tips of her fingers to massage her scalp as she freed each section.

“Nothing bad happened.”

“You got upset enough that you came all the way down here in the middle of the night and woke me up.”

“Okay, maybe that part was bad,” Holtzmann said with a wink, but Patty could hear the tension in her voice.

“You know what I mean. You bounce around here like you’re fireproof, just some crazy fun cartoon character come to life, cracking jokes and flirting with all the ladies. Okay, fine, I like that side of you too, but at the end of the day? You’re human and you’ve got feelings, like the rest of us poor bastards. And you matter.”

“My next invention is going to be a dampening field for feelings.”

“And that will come in handy the next time my mom visits, but I don’t think this can wait until you get to the prototype stage,” Patty said.

“Fuck.”

“Yep, that about sums it up.” Patty ran her fingers through Holtzmann’s hair, which was now all hanging loosely over her shoulders. “So what do you want?”

“Cosmically?”

“No. I mean, how do you want this situation to turn out?” No response, so Patty tried another track. “If it had been anybody else that asked you to do this, what would have said?”

“I would have told them they were craaaaaaaaazy.”

“But not Erin. Why is that?”

Holtzmann looked up at Patty, holding her gaze for a moment, before flopping over into her lap and groaning. “Bllarggggggggggh.”

“I’m not even going to ask you to translate that for me.“ Patty gently poked Holtzmann’s nose. “That’s how much I love you.” She felt Holtzmann tense, but she didn’t point it out. Baby steps. They sat in silence for a long time. 

“That’s the thing, right?” Holtzmann asked finally.

“What is?”

“’That’s how much I love you.’” She took a deep, shaky breath. “Why I did it. So I fix things… how?”

“Talk to Erin. Be honest with her, even if you don’t have the right words to say everything all at once," Patty said. "Communication is the only thing that makes relationships work. You've got to trust her to care if you're unhappy or uncomfortable--- which she does. So talk to her. Maybe just start with what happened tonight and go from there.” 

“She knows what happened.” Holtzmann tilted her head to one side, puzzled. “She was there.”

“Interior stuff, Holtzy. Feelings and shit.”

“Uggggggggggggh." Holtzmann rolled her eyes. "This is why I like things I can fix with a blowtorch and some gaff tape.”


	3. Erin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin has questions. Holtzmann needs answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two more chapters coming after this ("Kevin" and "Abby") and then it will be wrapped up. FYI I love prompts, especially the dark, weird ones (obviously.) Leave 'em in the comments if you've got 'em.

When Erin woke up, she lazily stretched out her arms, patting the side of the bed where Holtzmann usually slept. It was empty. 

*Must be making coffee. Or taking apart my vacuum cleaner ‘for science,* Erin thought.

Kevin was still asleep next to her. The morning light glinted off his blonde hair and highlighted his magnificent bone structure. Erin looked at him fondly before sliding out of bed to go find her errant inventor. 

Erin knew her… well, whatever it was she had with her two coworkers was a source of tension in the firehouse. Patty just threw up her hands and declared the less she knew, the better, but Abby had been much more direct. 

“Break Holtzmann’s heart and you’ll wish you'd left me in the portal,” she'd said one night. They were both tipsy on wine and glorying in reconnecting after so many years. 

“I'm not going to break Holtzmann’s heart. I don't even like her like that,” Erin had protested, but (like always) Abby saw right through her. 

“Right, right. And I'm gonna marry Benny the soup guy.”

“I mean… you could. Might mean he’ll deliver in less than an hour.” Erin shrugged and they both laughed, but Abby’s warning had stuck in her head. 

She'd warned her about Kevin too, but more in a casual “ugh, we’re gonna get sued” kind of way. 

Erin Gilbert wasn't by nature a reckless person, but in exploring her new, adventurous path as a Ghostbuster, she’d pushed her boundaries. The woman she was turning out to be was someone she vaguely remembered from college— the sort who went for what she wanted. That part of her life slipped away when she started the rat race that was graduate school and she was glad to be getting some of it back. 

—

Holtzmann wasn't in the kitchen, and when Erin looked in the living room, she realized her bag and boots were gone. It wasn't unusual for Holtzman to have a late night inspiration and go back to her lab to work on a new prototype, but she always left a note. When Erin looked around and realized that wasn't one she became concerned.

She dialed the firehouse number. “Is Holtzman there?"

Patty made a dissatisfied noise, but answered, “Yeah, she's here. I think the two of you have some things to talk about when you get in.”

Erin’s stomach dropped. “Oh?” She asked, trying to sound casual. “What makes you say that?”

“I say that because your wild night did a number on Holtzy. Which you would have figured out already if your wild-chld-bisexual-having-a-midlife-crisis-head wasn't so far up your ass.”

“I’ll be right there,” Erin replied. She hung up the phone and then glanced at Kevin. He wasn't due at HQ for hours, so she scribbled out a note explaining that she'd gone in early and left it on the nightstand along with her spare key.

—

“She's upstairs in my room.”  
“Okay. Thanks, Patty.”  
“Don't thank me. I'm still mad as hell at you.” Patty shook her head and went back to her book. “Kevin I understand, but you and Holtzy are both too smart to do shit this stupid,” she muttered. 

—-

Erin stood just inside the door to Patty’s room. Holtzmann was asleep in Patty’s bed, curled up tightly. Her blonde hair was splayed across the pillows. 

“Holtzmann?” Erin asked quietly, not wanting to startle the other woman awake. “Can I come in?”

The blonde stretched out and slowly opened her eyes. “Okay.”

Erin sat on the bed, down by the foot so Holtzmann would have plenty of space. “You were gone when I woke up.”

“Oh, yeah, I had this idea—”

“Patty said you were upset.”

“Oh.” Holtzmann reached for her yellow goggles, which were sitting on the nightstand on top of a stack of Patty’s books. She put them on and then sat up with her back against the wall. 

Erin waited in silence as she watched Holtzmann’s face scrunch up as she considered her words carefully. 

“I thought it would be fine and then it wasn't.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Me too.” Holtzmann shifted. “I feel—I feel— ugh. I feel like I got covered with ectoplasm, but on the inside. And it gets into everything and I can't figure out how to scrub it out.”

Erin’s breath caught in her throat. “I am so sorry, Jillian. I never would have—”

“I know. Mostly my fault. Thought I could just push through.”

“It's not your fault at all.” Erin reached out and took Holtzmann’s hand. “Given the set parameters, I should have been able to predict this outcome.”

Holtzmann nodded. “Can you— can you lay down with me? The talking is harder with the looking.”

Erin crawled over and laid down on Patty’s bed. Holtzmann joined her, wiggling down until her back was against Erin’s front. She pulled the physicist’s arms around her. 

Blonde curls tickled Erin’s face and she could smell Holtzmann’s shampoo (lavender, she thought, with just a hint of the dish soap she’d used the previous day to de-slime herself.) The inventor’s body was warm in her arms. She could almost feel Holtzmann vibrating at a subatomic level as they laid in silence.

When Holtzmann finally spoke, it was about an entirely different topic than Erin expected.

“That day I got hurt. The bust in Staten Island— the kids in the woods? You remember?”

Erin did. The kids weren’t the issue; the ghost of the man who’d killed them was the real problem. They’d contained him, but not before a heart-stopping moment when Holtzmann barged into the tiny ramshackle cabin in the woods, guns blazing, and the ghost slammed her against the wall and tossed her across the room. 

Erin had gotten used to seeing Holtzmann go down. The woman was resilient, she BOUNCED, so when she didn’t get right back up Erin felt herself seized with terror. It took every bit of will she had not to run over to Holtzmann immediately, to keep her focus on containing the ghost. It was the procedure they’d all agreed upon; neutralize the threat first, no matter what. 

When Erin was finally able to go to Holtzmann’s side, she was relieved to see the other woman stirring. Her eyes opened and Erin resisted the urge to kiss her or to scream at her about being more careful. Both of those things were very solidly outside the realm of their casual… well, whatever it was. Instead she just helped her up and kept her comments to herself. 

—

“I remember it.”  
“You remember what happened after?” Holtzmann asked. 

—

She kept her comments to herself until she couldn't anymore, until she barged into the bathroom and had it out with Holtzmann. 

—

“Me losing it at you in the bathroom?”  
“And then?”

—

Pressing Holtzmann’s bruised face up against the wall. Knowing that Holtzmann liked being handled roughly, but not doing it entirely for her. Being scared and being angry and making the blonde come over and over again until she cried and slumped against the wall. 

While Holtzmann was still dazed, whispering in her ear all the things that needed to spill out. Not knowing how much of it the other woman even registered. Neither of them bringing it up again. 

—

Erin couldn't connect the dots between her carelessness the previous night and the angry, desperate fuck they had a month ago. She tried but failed to puzzle out how one affected the other.

“Yeah. I remember,” she said finally. 

Erin felt Holtzmann nod. The inventor’s calloused fingers traced the bones in one of Erin’s hands. 

She waited for Holtzmann to continue, but after several minutes it seemed she wouldn't. Deciding to gently refocus things, Erin spoke.

“I want to understand what happened with you last night. Would you be willing to talk to me about that?”

“I just— that felt wrong and gross and I don't ever want to do it again.”

“You never have to. I promise.” Erin took a breath, as deeply as she could considering the tightness in her chest. “I think, because I like both men and women, I didn't consider how uncomfortable that would be for you. I should have, and I'm sorry.”

“Yeah.”

“I feel like such an idiot for not realizing. After the first few minutes I thought— you seemed into it, you know?” Erin said. She felt Holtzmann’s body shake with a bitter laugh. 

“I was thinking about you.”

“Oh.”

“The first time you kissed me. Testing the bionic strap-on with you on top. You fucking me against the wall in the bathroom.” Holtzmann’s voice dropped to a low mumble. “What you said after.”

Erin stopped breathing. Everything was suspended in time, as if some all-knowing deity (that Erin didn’t believe in, for the record) had hit the “pause” button. She bent her wrist until the palm of her hand was flat against Holtzmann’s chest. She felt the inventor’s heart beating rapidly even as everything else stayed still. She finally understood what people meant when they said the instant before a car crash seemed to stretch on forever. 

“I’m sorry I made such a mess of this,” Erin murmured as time restarted. 

“It takes two, babe.” Holtzmann shrugged. “I mean, or three.” 

“Don’t blame Kevin. He never would have had the idea on his own.”

“I know.” Holtzmann shifted, untangled herself from Erin’s arms and rolled over so they were facing each other. She grasped both of Erin’s hands in hers. “I need to know something. Several things, actually. The truth.”

“Okay. Ask me anything. I’ll do my best to answer.”

“Number one. You wanting to see me and Kevin. Was that…” Holtzmann trailed off. Her face contorted as if she’d tasted something disgusting. “Was it because you thought I’d like it and then be not quite so gay?”

“No! I wasn’t trying to change anything about you. I did think you’d enjoy it, I wouldn’t have asked if I’d thought otherwise, but I wasn’t considering it in that context at all.” Erin frowned. “It seems so ridiculous to say this, but you enjoying sex with Kevin and you being gay… in my mind those two things existed totally separately and one didn’t affect the other.”

Holtzmann chewed on her lip for a moment before replying. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, Gilbert.”

“Yeah. I see that now. I just, I didn’t think.” She swallowed. “What’s the next thing?”

“The thing you said to me. In the bathroom. The day I got hurt. Did you mean it?” Holtzmann continued without waiting for an answer. “Because if it had been me who said it, I would have meant it and I do mean it, and that’s why I tried to go along with last night, because I thought it would make you happy and I fucking live to make you happy, but everything’s broken now, so I guess it doesn’t even matter, but I still really need to know if you meant it.”

Erin froze, like a deer in the headlights, like a deer in the path of a fucking freight train. Her tongue was made of cotton and far too big for her mouth. She was hyper aware of the pressure of Holtzmann’s fingers covering hers, and the heat at the spot where their knees touched, and the sound of her own blood rushing through her ears. 

“I meant it,” she heard herself say, even though she’d opened her mouth to explain that things in that moment were tense and heated and words were so imprecise anyway. 

Holtzmann nodded. Her blue eyes were strangely expressionless as she studied Erin’s face. 

“I meant it,” Erin repeated, just a little louder. “And I am so sorry I broke everything.”

“Maybe— I need some time to work things out, but maybe we could, or there’s a way to—“ Holtzmann dropped Erin’s hands to make a vague, manic motion in the air. “Gaff tape, you know? Once I find all the pieces.”

“Right.”

“I can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing. Hanging out with you all the time, fucking you. I need us both to take a couple of big steps back so there’s space.”

“Of course,” Erin replied. “I’ll do anything you want me to.”

“I think that attitude is what got us into trouble in the first place, amirite?” Holtzmann replied. She half-grinned, but her expression became serious again. “I just need to figure out a way to stop feeling gross and hurt when I look at you.” 

Erin knew she flinched, she felt it, and Holtzmann must have seen it because she quickly added, “I know it wasn’t your fault, my brain doesn’t blame you, I just—“ She gestured vaguely to her chest, wiggling her fingers as she moved her hand from collarbone to stomach. “I feel.”

“I understand. And I am so, so sorry.” Erin wanted other words, better ones, or a time machine so she could go back and fix it. But all she could do was watch as Holtzmann stood and gathered her wild hair into a quick twist. 

“This sucks,” Holtzmann said quietly. Her eyes met Erin’s for a brief moment and then she was gone, out the door and careening down the stairs. 

“It does,” Erin said, but the empty room had no advice for her.


	4. Kevin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin knows things are weird, even if he's not quite sure why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, sweet Kevin. Writing you is hard. It's such a hard line to walk between regular dumb and "how are you even alive" dumb.

Kevin hadn’t seen Holtzmann around the firehouse for several days. He wasn’t sure how many and he couldn’t pinpoint the last time he’d seen her, but it felt wrong. 

The way Erin smiled at him felt wrong too, like it was just a mask of a smile and not a real one. He wondered if Erin’s mask and Holtzmann’s absence had anything to do with each other. 

“Patty?” he asked as the historian came back from a late lunch. “Are things weird?”

“Oh Kev,” Patty said. “That question is real complicated.”

“Yeah, they are pretty weird. That’s what I thought too.” Kevin frowned. “Should I try to fix it?”

“No, no, baby. Some things have to fix themselves, you know? It’s better for everyone if you just, you know… wait and see.”

Patty was good at reading people, so Kevin took her advice and went back to his crossword puzzle. He found a green pen in his desk and started carefully coloring in more of the empty squares.

—

“Hi Kevin.” Holtzmann stood in front of the desk, eyes on her feet. Kevin followed her gaze down but didn’t see anything unusual going on with her scuffed boots.

“Hey Holtzmann. It’s good to see you. You weren’t here for a while.”

“Yeah, I… I had to do some thinking,” Holtzmann explained. “About what happened.”

Kevin stared blankly. He knew that something must have happened, but he didn’t know what it could have been. Holtzmann was looking at him like he was supposed to say something. She looked so serious it made him nervous. 

“What happened?” he asked.

Holtzmann shifted from one foot to the other. She reached up and brought her larger goggles down over the smaller ones she already wore. Goggle-ception.

“The other night when we— with Erin, but… uggggggggggh.” 

Kevin tried to remember the last time he’d seen Erin and Holtzmann together. His brain finally hit on what she meant and he wondered how he didn’t figure it out before. 

“Oh. That.”

“Yeah.”

“That was a really bad idea, wasn’t it?” Kevin asked. 

“Beyond bad.”

“I’m sorry.”

Holtzmann cocked her head to one side, studying him. Kevin thought it should probably make him uncomfortable, someone looking that hard at him, but it was Holtzmann. (And she was wearing two pairs of goggles at the same time. Even if she had laser eyes, which he was pretty sure she didn’t, there’s no way she could incinerate him through that many layers of yellow safety glass.)

“Me too,” she said finally. 

“I should have realized. You felt very far away.”

“Far away?” Holtzmann asked.

“You know. Like you were somewhere else.” Kevin thought there was something else that he should say, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. “So… want a hug?” 

Holtzmann considered it for a moment. Kevin was relieved when she grinned (and it was mostly not a mask) and said, “Yeah, actually.” 

No matter how many times he hugged Holtzmann, or she climbed him like he was a tree, or collided with him on the stairs, Kevin was always surprised at how little she was. There was so much Holtzmann in Holtzmann, he wasn’t quite sure how it all fit. He wondered if she’d always been so small or if she’d once been normal size and someone hit her with a miniaturizing ray. Honey I shrunk the Holtzmann.

“Is there anything I can do to make things better?” Kevin asked the top of Holtzmann’s head.

“Yeah. Build me a time machine?”

“Okay. You’ll have to let me use your tools though.” Kevin smiled. “This’ll be great! You make using a blowtorch look like a lot of fun.”

“On second thought, let’s just agree that even this whole thing sucked, there’s no reason for things to be uncomfortable.” Holtzmann let go of Kevin and stepped back. She spit on her palm and stuck out her hand. “Deal?”

“Deal, but that’s gross.” 

“Dude, it’s not like you’re a stranger to my biological fluids. It’s just a little saliva!” Holtzmann waved her hand again and Kevin took it, grimacing. “No, no, YOU have to spit too. That’s how it works.”

Kevin wasn’t sure that was how it worked, but he spit daintily into his palm.

“Uh, right hand, bro. You shake with the right.”

He looked down from his left hand to his right, then smashed them together to move the spit from one to the other. He held out his right hand. “Good?”

“It’ll do,” Holtzmann said. She had a handshake that was way bigger than she was too. Maybe there was something to that shrink ray idea.

Kevin wasn’t sure if anything was fixed, but it did feel less weird after that. He wondered if maybe Holtzmann was right about the spit thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this felt like walking a bit of a tightrope, in between "Kevin was involved in this experience that was bad for Holtzmann, so she feels weird around him" and "Holtzmann knows that Kevin didn't mean to hurt her, but she was hurt regardless" and "Holtzmann genuinely likes Kevin and wants things to get closer to normal."


	5. Abby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin gets drunk. Abby believes in tough love. 
> 
> Holtzmann's never seen "The Sixth Sense." Patty loves M&Ms. Kevin is adopted by a cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the weird one-shot I'd planned ended up being the first real multi-chapter fic I wrote. 
> 
> Looking back, I wish Abby wasn't the last chapter, mostly because she's an outsider in the situation. Storytelling-wise, it would have made more sense to wait to have Erin at the end. BUT I still like how this all turned out. 
> 
> I don't know that I believe in happy endings, but I definitely believe in "things can get better."

“I really fucked up, Abby,” Erin slurred. She picked up the bottle of tequila and poured two more shots. “Real stupid.”

“Yeah, you did.” Abby eyed the shots skeptically. “You’re crashing my overnight on-call shift, remember? I don’t need any. Those are both yours.”

Erin shrugged and knocked back one, then the other. She shook her head and grimaced at the kick of the alcohol. “You warned me. You told me I’d fuck it up and then I did.”

“Well, I didn’t exactly say that. But it did seem like a very bad idea.” The brunette scientist looked at her disheveled friend and wondered what she could say. The tequila had already done what it could to improve Erin’s mood, but after a brief giggle-fit she was rapidly sliding into the “morose drunk” phase. 

“I keep looking at all the places I messed up. All the times I could have made a different choice, which would have led to a different outcome. A to B to C to K. You know, instead of to D.”

“The D is the least of your problems I think,” Abby muttered. “Erin, there’s no use going over this again. You didn’t skip to K. You made the choices you made and these are the consequences. They suck, but this is what we’ve got.”

“She doesn’t look at me the same anymore.”

“You asked her to do something that you should have known she wouldn’t want to do. And then she did it, because she loves you, but now she’s upset because it freaked her out more than she thought it would. And Kevin…” Abby glanced toward the front desk, which was currently vacant. “Kevin barely knows what day it is. Yesterday I found him trying to send an email using the display on the convection oven. I’m not even sure he’s smart enough to legally give consent. This whole situation is beyond unsettling.”

“They worked it out. You know that?” Erin squinted at Abby. 

“Who?”

“Holtzmann and Kevin. They’re talking to each other again. But I can’t talk to either of them. Kevin wouldn’t understand and Holtzmann doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Well, you can talk to me.” Abby put her arm around Erin and squeezed. “I will always be your friend, no matter how badly you screw up your life.”

“Strange that you saying that doesn’t make me feel any better,” Erin groused, grabbing for the tequila bottle. She missed, but before she could take another try her friend relocated it outside of her reach. 

“I think you’ve had enough.” Abby pulled Erin over so the redhead was leaning on her shoulder. Her voice became softer, gentler. 

“She’s so quiet, Abby.” Erin idly picked at a loose thread on her top. “No loud music, no dancing. She just goes up there and works and then leaves and goes who knows where. I don’t even remember the last time I heard something explode up there.”

“It’s only been two weeks. Did you really expect that everything would be back to normal by now?”

“I guess not.”

“You still don’t get why this was a big deal to Holtzmann, do you?” Abby watched Erin start to protest, then reconsider before she’d gotten a word out. “It’s like… is there anyone you can think of who it would feel absolutely, totally wrong to have sex with?”

“You.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” Abby replied. “Now I want you to imagine that Holtzmann really really wanted you to have sex with me, and because you wanted her to be happy, you did.”

“But I wouldn’t.”

“Maybe YOU wouldn’t, but Holtz did, and so for the purposes of this discussion, you did too. Afterward you’d still have to see me here at work, every day. And you’d have to see Holtz, who was so out of touch that she didn’t realize that having sex with me would be really uncomfortable for you.”

“Oh.” Erin succeeded in finally grasping the thread. She pulled hard and the knit started to unravel. 

“Then imagine that this job is the best thing in your life, and now there's an extra layer of junk keeping you from enjoying it, because the woman you love was careless with you.” 

“I hadn’t thought of it that way,” she mumbled. “I’m such a jerk. I should call Holtzmann and tell her that I realized—”

“No,” Abby said sharply. “Calling her would make YOU feel better. It won’t make her feel better. This is why I took your phone away an hour ago.” 

“Abby. I have to do something.” Erin looked at her best friend, with wide, woozy eyes. “What do I do?”

“You do nothing. You can’t control this. That’s the nature of the beast. You’ve got to leave Holtzmann to figure out her own stuff.” Abby stroked Erin’s hair. Her voice softened. “And that gives YOU time to figure out YOUR stuff. Have some answers for when she’s ready to talk about it.”

“Yeah. Maybe you’re right.” Erin sighed heavily. “I'm so bad at doing nothing.”

“Well, now’s your chance to work on that,” Abby replied. She considered her next question for a moment before asking it. “So do you love her?”

“Yeah. No. I don’t know. ’s complicated.”

“That’s a Facebook relationship status, not an answer.”

Erin shrugged. “I don’t know. There are many things I know but that is not one of them. The mysteries of my feelings for Holtzmann are not knowable by mere humans.” 

“Now you’re just being dramatic to avoid answering,” Abby replied.

“Guilty as charged.”

“Fine. Don’t tell me. But that’s something you need to figure out for yourself.” Abby said. The two of them lapsed into a comfortable silence, although Abby could almost hear the gears in Erin’s head turning.

“Oh, by the way,” Abby said a few long moments later, “you should know I gave Kevin a copy of the brand new Ghostbusters HR handbook today, which very clearly states on page 23 that you’re not allowed to have sex with him.”

Erin blinked. “You mean that no one is allowed to have sex with an employee.”

“No, I mean that I literally wrote in that you, Erin Gilbert, are not allowed to have a sexual relationship with any subordinate employee, including Kevin Beckman. Patty read it to him and explained it twice, so I think he understands.” Abby gestured to one of Patty’s bookcases. “I can get it and show you right now.”

“That is very specific.” 

“Well, somebody needs to save you from yourself.”

“Who told you anyway?” Erin’s eyes narrowed. “About… the thing.”

“Well, it wasn’t any of the three people who SHOULD have told me about it.”

“Ah. Patty.” Erin nodded solemnly. “She’s real mad at me.”

“That she is.” Abby watched as her friend bent over at the waist and held her head. She wondered if she should get a bucket, but then she saw Erin’s shoulders shaking and realized her friend was crying, not puking. Abby rubbed small circles on Erin’s back, but also grabbed a nearby wastebasket, just in case.

“Did I kill the Ghostbusters?” Erin managed between sobs.

Abby was trying her best to stay stern, but when she looked at Erin— pathetic, drunk, tearful Erin— gazing up at her with such a serious expression, it all seemed so ridiculous. 

“We stood up to a maniac who turned into a giant ghost and opened a portal to another plane that would have destroyed life as we know it. I think the Ghostbusters can survive the misadventures of Erin’s vagina.” Abby looked around the fire station they’d made into their home. “Look, maybe you and Holtzmann will get past this and have a romantic relationship. Maybe you won’t and you’ll just be coworkers from here on out. Maybe she’ll forgive you and you’ll be great friends. Maybe none of those things will happen. I don’t know, and neither do you, and no matter how much that freaks you out, there is nothing you can do to change it. You’ve just gotta sit with it.”

Abby looked down at her friend. 

“Or pass out on the coffee table with it. That works too, I guess,” she muttered. She tucked a blanket around Erin’s shoulders before leaving the physicist to her restless sleep.

—

The next morning when Abby came downstairs for a post-night-shift cup of coffee, she found Erin stretched out on the couch and Holtzmann in a chair nearby, watching her sleep.

“Hey Holtz.”

“Hey.” Holtzmann gestured to the snoring scientist. “How is she?”

“Well, she’s asleep,” Abby said. “And when she wakes up she’s going to have a doozy of a hangover.”

“You know what I mean. Like how IS she? Is she okay?”

“I don’t think so. But she will be. What about you?”

“I’m okay. Erin and I as a unit… not okay. Maybe could be sometime? Outlook unclear.” She looked up at Abby, whose heart ached at the uncertainty on her friend’s face. “I just want things to feel normal again.”

“If that’s what you really want,” Abby said carefully, “then you should start doing normal things. I know nothing feels right yet, but I think it would go a long way if classic Holtz started showing up again. Maybe don’t flirt with Erin, though.”

“Classic Holtz, eh? You miss my epic dance moves?”

“As much as I miss you setting fire to your lab.” Abby sighed. “Which is to say, yes, quite a bit.” She sat at Holtzmann’s feet, facing away from her. “So. How are you really?”

Holtzmann twirled her fingers in Abby’s hair. She appreciated that Abby knew her so well, and knew that talking was easier if she didn't have to process someone's face at the same time. 

“Better. I talked to Kevin. He’s a good guy. Dumb, but good. Things between us are getting back to normal.” Holtzmann looked over at where Erin was still asleep on the couch. “Not so with her. I see her and I feel so many things at once. Weird it’s like that with her, but not Kevin, considering he was more… actively involved.””

“That's not weird at all.” 

“Explain.” Holtzmann’s hands stilled in Abby’s hair.

“Did you look at Kevin even once while it was happening?” 

“No.” Holtzmann’s breath hitched. “I was looking at Erin, thinking about her. The whole time.”

“Plus you don’t blame Kevin. It wasn't his idea.” Abby relaxed back against Holtzmann’s shins. 

“Ugh. I can’t believe we ended up here because of 15 minutes of stupid sex.” Holtzmann leaned forward and placed her chin on the top of Abby’s head. Her arms went around the other woman’s shoulders and squeezed. “I keep feeling like I’m making this into a big deal when it’s not.”

“It isn’t just about the 15 minutes, Holtz. There’s way more going on here, and I think you know that.”

“When you’re right, you’re right.” Holtzmann sighed. She pulled away from Abby, who took that as her cue to move to a chair. “Well, duty calls. Those proton-sabers aren’t going to build themselves.”

Abby watched as Holtzmann got the blanket off the floor and covered Erin with it, then headed for the stairs to her lab. She stopped midway up and turned back. 

“Doozy of a hangover, you say?” Holtzmann asked with a grin. “Probably I should keep the noise down?” She winked and dashed upstairs. 

A few moments later, Abby heard some kind of hardcore metal music start playing, full blast. Erin groaned from the couch and put a pillow over her head to try to drown out the pounding base. 

“I think my brain is bruised,” Erin mumbled from under the pillow. “Why does it have to be so loud?”

“You’re the one who wanted things to get back to normal,” Abby said quietly. “Be happy that she’s making the effort.”

—

A few days later, Abby suggested a movie night. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen ‘The Sixth Sense,’” Patty said.

“Movies! They’re hard to sit through, you know,” Holtzmann explained as she upended a bag of microwave kettle corn into a large bowl. 

“You sit through movies just fine, Dr. ADHD.”

Abby raised an eyebrow. “She gets up and goes “to the bathroom” like a dozen times, and then she asks me what she missed.”

“Exaaaaaaaaactly,” the blonde engineer agreed. 

“Okay, I’ve got Junior Mints, Sour Patch Kids and…” Kevin trailed off. He pulled a box out of his satchel. “W&Ws.”

“I think that’s supposed to be—“

“Patty, choose your battles.” Abby advised. Their resident historian shrugged.

“That is some excellent advice.” Patty plopped into their overstuffed loveseat. “Kevin, baby, come sit with Patty. And bring those W&Ws with you.”

As Kevin settled himself and Holtzmann tossed an extra blanket to Patty, Abby wondered if Erin might join them. She hadn’t in a few weeks and even thought Abby knew Erin was giving Holtzmann space, she was still disappointed that there was an empty space on the couch. 

Suddenly Abby realized that she hadn’t mentioned movie night to Erin. She’d intended to, but first there was a phone call, then a bust, then a small fire in Holtzmann’s lab and then a stray cat that Kevin had been feeding followed him home to the firehouse and they had to find a place for it that would be far, far from highly-allergic Abby. (Thus, the “supply room” became “Kevin and his cat’s room” and supplies were relegated to a pile in a corner.) Somehow in the chaos, inviting their resident physicist had slipped her mind.

“Damn it,” she murmured. 

Holtzmann cocked her head and frowned. “You swore. You never swear unless something is on fire or has just exploded.” She looked around, exaggerating the movement. “As far as I can tell, no fire or explosions.”

“Patty, did you tell Erin about movie night?”

Patty shook her head. “I figured you would.”

“I meant to, but I forgot.” Abby sighed. “She’s going to think it was on purpose that no one invited her.”

“Don’t worry,” Holtzmann said, tossing a kernel of popcorn into the air and failing to catch it in her mouth. “I made sure she knew about it.” 

Patty and Abby’s heads swiveled towards her. 

“You did?” Abby asked.

“Yep. She said she’d be late. Like 15 minutes. I told her I’d stall so she wouldn’t miss any of the movie.” Holtzmann looked from one stunned colleague to the other. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m proud of you, Holtzy.” Patty said. 

Holtzmann flushed and was about to reply when Erin came in. She held up a bottle of wine. 

“Refreshments, ladies? And Kevin.”

While Erin poured the wine, Abby flopped into her usual spot on the floor. Holtzmann kicked back on the couch and put her feet up on the coffee table. (“Not next to the popcorn!” “What? There’s no cross-contamination.”) 

Abby saw Erin’s hesitation after she’d distributed all the glasses. The physicist stood awkwardly, looking from the spot on the floor next to Abby to the couch. 

“Gilbert!” Holtzmann pointed to a spot on the couch. “Plenty of room for you, me and a spot in the middle for Jesus.”

Abby watched as Erin relaxed and sat. True to Holtzmann’s assessment, there was ample space for both of them with a large gap in between. 

It was a relief to have all of them relaxing together again. It wasn’t quite the same, but much of the tension of the past several weeks seemed to have waned. 

Abby didn’t know about the others, but she’d take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! Thank you to everyone who made it through. Next one will be much more lighthearted, I promise. 
> 
> Send me your prompts on tumblr at audreyinfandomland.tumblr.com . Dark/unlikely/"how the hell would that work" seems to be my wheelhouse, but I'm open to everything Holtzmann. Even fluff, because hey, I like a challenge and happy endings are a serious challenge for me.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Holtzmann so much and I feel bad for putting her through this, even though she's a fictional character and this is a derivative work based on a fictional story. 
> 
> I wanted to make sure that the reason this was dub-con was because of what was going on inside of Holtzmann, and not because of Kevin and Erin. From their perspective, it's a new twist on what they're already doing. From Holtzmann's it's way outside of her comfort zone. I like to think that neither of them would have pushed her if they'd understood what a Big Deal it was.
> 
> (Also, thinking about girls while having sex with dudes, hey college, it's been so long since I thought about you!)


End file.
